Half Full


recently i was invited for dinner by my very good friend. so put my best dress on. actually the only one clean left in my suitcase (dont even have a cupboard). i combed my hair. put on my only pair of shoes. and i was all set to go and was right on time

My friend and her family greeted me with a big smile and i returned it witha quick and shy one. we sat at the table along with my friend’s mom, dad, grandma and her sister. the table was filled with all sort of home made dishes and the room was filled with the aroma that could make anyone hungry even if they have just eaten a whole horse.

I was new to her family and they were pretty much inquisitive about me and my background. may be because people in my part of the world are like that and maybe unlike my friends i had never mentioned nothing sbout my family to anyone specially when i moved to this new city. So as we started to dig in the feast they started to do some digging within me.

and it went like this,before i start i just want you to know “beta” pronounced as bay-ta actually means “son” but when spoken in general it becomes an addressing word irrespective of gender. and uncle is not actually referimg to the relation uncle but are called to anyone unknown to u.

“so beta what does your dada (paternal grandfather) do?” askex her father

“Uncle he died even when my father was young. so We have never met”

Everybody made necesarry sounds.

“And you dado (paternal grandmother)?

” She also died many years ago”

sounds amd noises

” And nana (maternal grandpa)?

“nano (maternal grandma)”
“died long ago”

“your father?”
“yeah he errr also died two years ago”
awkward silence

And pretty much after that I don’t remember because i was not there anymore. I dont know why but I felt kind of embarassed for not having these people in my life anymore as if I had a choice. I had learned to let these people go and move on. But even though i managed to live and not carry any burden yet that day I realized that each and every one of them took a part of me with them. Leaving behind holes that I have manged to cover up so good.

Again I realized that In my life I have attemded more funerals than wedding ceremonies. and dying is a favourite family past time.Yet I was still satisfied with what life has given me because I still have my mother (May she be blessed with a long, peaceful, healthy and happy life.Ameen) and its due to her existence that I have been able to generate positivity within me. Her affection has kept me warm in times like above and her prayers have made my slide through every obstacle with patience.

I’ll be an empty existence without her.

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